The Roller Coaster Ride.

"Imagine meeting someone who understands even the dustiest corners of your mixed-up soul."

As I go into the roller coaster ride of funs and frowns and ups and downs that was our dating relationship I just want to start with the one thing through all of this that I learned more than anything. And the one that Andrew taught me.

The first thing is, that fear of potential misery can be one of the biggest debilitations that we can bring into our lives.  When you live with this fear of potential unhappiness, you miss the other potentiality that is right in front of your face - the potential for incredible joy.

The second thing is something that Andrew told me at the end of all this. When I asked him why he stayed with me through the misery that I put him through, his reply to me was, "Because true love isn't giving up and walking away just when things get hard." Wise man.

Just to put everything in context - when I was going into my relationship with Andrew, I was a mess.  I had just broken up with my long-term boyfriend in June.  "Mr. Ex" was emotionally abusive and left me feeling needy, confused, and unstable.  I can't give him all the credit though.  I am a naturally anxious person, and being with someone of his character just was not good for my mental health.  I was left confused about what a relationship was supposed to be like, but I knew more than anything whilst coming out of that relationship - that he wasn't what I needed to find happiness in life.  The tipping point in deciding to break up with him was something that his bishop asked me in an interview with me and my ex.  He told me about married life.  About how difficult and exhausting being a mother can be.  The one question he asked me after all of that was, "Now, do you see yourself happy when he comes home?  Will he be the kind of person after an incredibly difficult and exhausting day that you will be glad to see and will make you laugh?"  I looked at him and thought "No, he will never make me happy." So I broke up with him that week.  After the breakup, I decided to cut all ties.  He had persuaded and guilted me multiple times before not to break up with him, and I didn't want to take any chances.  But he wasn't done with me.  He harassed my family and friends and me for months afterwards.  Sometimes driving all the way from Rexburg and showing up at my house unannounced to beg for me to come back to him.  Other times calling friends and threatening Andrew's life. Oftentimes calling and texting me over and over with declarations of love, as if we had never broken up, no matter how many times anyone told him to move on. It was a scary time and one for me that was full of fear.  I can't say that I handled it well, and it affected my relationship with my family, friends, and even Andrew.

Let's go back to the happy ray of sunshine in my life at the time.  I called him Andrew, and he brought me flowers and kisses.  He made me laugh and helped me to get out of myself when all I wanted to do was be alone and be afraid.

I remember when Andrew asked me to be his girlfriend.  We had seen each other for about a week straight every day since our first date.  He was running late to take me out to lunch (typical of my Andrew, but it's usually because he's either trying to do something nice for someone, or because he's lost his keys).  He showed up at my work and brought me a rose and asked me to be his girlfriend.  I was a little dumbfounded. This guy just shows up late for a lunch date and asked me to be his girlfriend?  Being the horrible person that I am I decided I wanted to make him sweat.  So I said that I would think about it. Maybe later.

Well, later came along after a temple trip one night.  Andrew asked me if I wanted to go to dinner, so we found the one place that was open that late - Denny's.  We had a nice talk, and went back to the church parking lot to talk.  Ok, we were kissing a little bit too.  This is where it gets a little embarrassing. While we were kissing goodnight, a cop car pulls up behind us. Wait, make that two cops cars. It was a cold night so the very back window had fogged up. Andrew rolls down the window and the one cop asks for license and registration.  The other one asks me to get out of the car.  I got a good look at myself in the reflection and realized my hair was super messy.  That with the back window behind fogged up combined with my hair situation made it look real bad.  Which was seriously laughable considering how innocent the whole encounter was.

Mr Cop asks me if I was there of my own free will.  I was a little distraught and embarrassed by how bad the whole situation looked and so I replied, "Of course!  I swear there was nothing going on here. It looks bad, but it isn't. We just got back from the temple for goodness sake!"  They left us with a warning about staying pure and we left with burning cheeks.  Talk about embarrassing.

Well, to sum up a lot of our dating relationship really quick, here's what happened for the next while (this could go on for forever) - We had a lot of fun and dated for a month or so.  Then we broke up Halloween night (because Andrew's friend told him that "going on a break" would help him realize if he was in love with me).  I called him up a few days later and asked why he broke up with me. His reply, "I didn't break up with you! It was just a break!" My reply, "Yeah, dating other people sounds like a breakup to me, so are you breaking up with me then?"  We got back together that night.

We had a lot more fun dating and enjoying each other's company.

A few months later we broke up again.  This time because we were confused about our feelings for each other.  One thing i've learned about Andrew and myself is that we are very similar in that we aren't very good at understanding how we feel sometimes.  So we went on another "break" - which ended up being a breakup.  I remember having the conversation with Andrew in the car during all this about how I felt like I was in a dark pit, and I felt like I was drowning of sorrow constantly.  I was still dealing with the fear of "Mr. Ex" and his stalkerlike actions.  I didn't know how to handle all of it, so my best option seemed to be running away from everything.  I decided at this point that I needed a fresh start, so I sold my contract at the house I was living at and moved into a new apartment.

I stayed away from Andrew for a week, and then I decided I would let myself see him again.  I really missed him.  We went running at the gym together, and he grabbed my arm afterwards as I was getting a drink at the drinking fountain, and told me that he loved me.  I didn't know what to say.  I was still pretty upset about the breakup.

Andrew kept coming around though.  He never gave up on me.  He would wake up at 5 am on the mornings that it snowed and come to my house just to shovel my driveway and clean off my car windows.  If I ever mentioned that I needed anything, he would go to the store and buy it for me and leave it as a present on my doorstep.  One time he asked me what my favorite dessert was.  I told him it was a mimosa cake that they make on women's day in Italy.  So he stayed up until 6am one night just to make it for me.  

About a month and a half, I went on a trip with Andrew and my roommate to his best friend Erik's wedding down in Arizona (we were still broken up at the time). Upon arriving home, Andrew told me that he wasn't sure if we should keep going the way we were if we weren't going to get back together.  It hit me like a slap in the face.  That night as I was reading my scriptures, I decided to pray and ask for clarification on how I was feeling.  I realized that more than anything, I was scared.  I was scared of being happy.  I was scared of going through the depression and hurt again like I had with "Mr. Ex."  And at that moment I read this scripture in Mosiah 23:28, "Therefore they hushed their fears, and began to cry unto the Lord." I couldn't stop reading this verse.  I kept reading it over and over again and the spirit told me in my heart, "Don't be afraid anymore. Give him another chance."  My answer was clear and I had no doubt.  God wanted me to get back together with Andrew.

We got back together and continued to have fun as we always did.  I remember the night that I told Andrew that I loved him.  He had planned one of the funnest dates I have ever had.  We went out to dinner, and then to wal-mart, where we bought empty easter eggs.  The game was that we had a half an hour to buy little things that would fit inside of the easter eggs that the other would like.  We then went back to my apartment and hid them for each other while the other person was in the other room.  I love activities that bring back the glitter and joy of childhood, and Andrew has a knack for coming up with them.  I don't know what it was that made me say "I love you."  Maybe it was the joy of that night, or the pure happiness I had of being with him.  But I look back and realize that at that point I didn't really understand what love truly was.  I was about to find out through test and trial what I have come to understand love to really be.

Where it all began.

Shakespeare believed in love at first sight. "When I saw you, I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew."

Yeah, that's not me. My personal belief about love at first sight would be more along the lines of, "sometimes when you meet someone, there's a click. I don't believe in love at first sight but I do believe in that click." - Ann Aguirre, Blue Diablo

Call me a realist, pessimist, or whatever you want, but I believe that love is deeper than just what you see.

The first time I ever saw Andrew was at a picnic at Sugarhouse Park in Salt Lake City, Utah during the summer of August 2011.  My friend Jessica Hobbs, the lovely social thing that she is, would invite a group of friends every Thursday night that summer to have dinner together (i'm guessing that this one was on a Tuesday though, because I think the date was August 16).  I remember showing up and sitting with the group of relative strangers in front of the duck pond.  I was nervous, and yet excited.  Groups of people make me happy and I get a high out of meeting new people.

A girl from my ward - Janely - showed up with a cute blonde guy in tow.  We knew each other so she sat next to me, and so did the guy she had brought with her.  I remember that he was wearing flip flops (isn't it funny the random things that we remember about those moments?) He asked me to pass him something and we started talking.  We did the small talk thing, introduced ourselves, and talked about what we did for our jobs.  He told me that he was a student at BYU studying engineering. We talked a little about his summer internship that he was doing in Salt Lake, and about how excited I was to go to the premiere of the final Harry Potter movie with my friend Tim that night.  It was an easy conversation, and for the first time since breaking up with my boyfriend a few months ago, I found that this was a guy that I was excited at the prospect of talking to again.

I remember running into Andrew a second time a couple weeks later at Ward Prayer for our singles ward.  He was hanging out with his best friend Erik Grimm, and I brought my roommate Kristina over to meet them both.  I talked and laughed with both of them, and afterwards I remember telling my roommate how great of a guy Andrew was, and that she should consider dating him.  I just felt from the beginning like he was a good person, and someone worth spending time with.

The next time I saw Andrew was Sunday at church.  He was wearing the same 3 piece gray suit that he wore during our engagements.  I remember walking into church and he looked around, saw me, and gave me a huge grin. It was one of those looks that guys give you when they like what they see. (And he liked me!)  During break the fast after church he came and found me in the line and talked to me for a little bit. Another little memory I have of the moment is that I was wearing 6 in mustard yellow heels which made me taller than him.  I felt a little embarrassed and wished I had worn shorter shoes.

The next day at FHE, he was searching me out.  This boy was obviously on a mission for something! The activity was playing board games, and Andrew came and sat across from me at my table.  He obviously thought I was really funny because he laughed constantly at everything I said. I was pretty flattered to be honest!

My favorite part of our "how we met" story happens right then.  Being the sneaky person that I am, I took off at the end of FHE without so much as a goodbye to anyone and went out the back door.  As I was walking across the parking lot to my car I turned around because I heard someone call out my name.  I turn around and see Andrew running after me.  I waited until he caught up, and the first thing that he blurts out of his mouth is, "have you seen Avery?"  I reply, "No, do you need me to introduce you to her?" He said, "uh, yeah." So I walk back inside with him and after a couple minutes of searching I point her out and say, "there she is. Would you like me to introduce you?"  His reply, "No, I know who Avery is.  So....do you want to do something sometime?"  It took me a full minute to realize he was asking me on a date.  I said yes, and we exchanged phone numbers.

After Andrew got my phone number and started texting me about plans for our first date I instantly realized something about him.  This was a guy who laughed through life.  As someone who was going through an incredibly hard breakup, it was a breath of fresh air because I felt like he was everything that I wasn't at the time.  None of our talk was serious. He was the complete opposite of my Ex - funny, non-controlling, happy-go-lucky, and could make me laugh.  Everything I realized was missing from my last relationship and that I needed.

Andrew was out of town that week on a rafting trip up in Jackson Hole, so we set up a date for Saturday, September 10.  He came and picked me up in his silver car and he gave me the option of either going to the Utah State Fair or the Greek Festival for our date.  I thought it was a little weird because I had never been given options about a date activity before. I usually just showed up and the guy picked what we were doing.  This was a little introduction to Andrew's personality for me. He's a people pleaser, and likes to give people options that will make them happy and put his own choice last in a lot of things.

I picked the Greek Festival.  So we headed downtown to the Greek Orthodox church. When we arrived we decided that we would get food before doing anything else. So we got in the hour long line, picked out different foods to share and sat down to eat our fare. For dessert we grabbed some of the fried balls of dough drenched in honey (Loukomades). The second I realized that I liked this guy was when I went to put one of the honey balls in my mouth and he grabbed off my fork, ate it with one bite, and looked at me and laughed. No shame. I liked this guy.

After we had enough of the food and crowds, we went back to my house. My roommates we watching Hot Rod and we decided to join them.  After the movie was over we went out and talked by ourselves for a couple hours.  We talked until 5 a.m.  Aaand, well, a girl isn't supposed to kiss and tell, but we had our first kiss that night (yep, I kissed him!  He probably didn't even know where it came from).  I was never good at holding back if I liked a guy, and I really liked this one.

An introduction to Us.

If I could go back and do it all again, I would.

The story of Jenessa and Andrew is one that makes me smile and makes my heart ache at the same time.  It was a road full of ups and downs -- sometimes it felt like a fun roller coaster ride, and sometimes it felt like one of those drives where there's a cliff on one edge that makes you feel like you are out of control and might fall off the edge.  But I would never give up the hard times, because those are the moments that defined our relationship today.  One that is happy, full of joy, full of confidence, and thriving. And I completely believe that it would never have become what it is without the trials that we faced together.

I hope that someday, someone who comes across this blog who is searching for their happily ever after will come to realize that love and relationship security can happen in a second.  It can happen in a year. And it may not ever happen at all.  My point is that every relationship is different.  Your story is your own and never let anyone put any expectations in your head about what it has to be.  Because happy endings come in so many different varieties, and we each have an individual reality and circumstance. You decide your happy ending.  Not your parents. Not God (though he will completely support you no matter what). Not your family, coworkers, or friends.  You are the one who chooses happiness every single day.

So here it begins. The story of us and our lovely little family.