Marriage...Year 1

So I have become really horrible at writing in my journal, so I decided that this is going to be my journal from now on! Plus, it is so much faster to type than it is to write, and I can update this just about anywhere I go. :)

I know I haven't even gotten around to writing about our engagement and wedding day, but just because I'm lazy I'm going to start with what happened since the wedding.

Our honeymoon was amazing.  We spent 5 days on a Carnival Caribbean cruise.  We flew out to Florida, and after staying overnight in a really nice hotel that Andrew's half sister Kelly hooked us up with, we hopped on our cruise.  Can I just say how much I love cruises?  We were able to relax, eat, sleep ;) as much as we wanted, and we went on some pretty awesome excursions. At our first stop in the Cayman islands, we went on an excursion to the Sting Ray Sand Bar, and we got to swim with sting rays out in the middle of the ocean, and kiss them and feed them. We also met a pretty cool couple that I still keep in touch with, and hung out with them at 7 mile beach after the sting rays.  The beach was absolutely gorgeous!  The sand was made up of teeny tiny sea shells, and we went snorkeling near the shore where there were some neat little tropical fish.  I even saw a little swordfish swimming around near the top of the water!

Our next stop on the cruise was in Cozumel, Mexico. It was a cool little place to go shopping and see a little bit of what Mexico is like while still being in a relatively safe place - (my Mom was super worried about us going to Mexico because of all the drug wars happening and Americans getting kidnapped). After getting lost for a little bit, we finally made our way to the main Piazza and found a guy who would take Andrew out scuba diving in two different places, and I could just snorkel above them during the dive. One of the guys on the boat was really gay for Andrew.  He was literally gay, and kept hitting on him!  It was pretty funny.

The sad thing is that the biggest memory that I have of snorkeling in one of the most beautiful places in the world is how bad I had to pee!  I tried so hard to go in the ocean for over 2 hours, but I just couldn't.  Needless to say, the next day I got my first bladder infection.  I didn't know I had one, but as the days progressed, I just kept getting more nauseated.  I still enjoyed myself so much though the rest of the trip.  After the cruise was over, Andrew and I drove to Orlando and we went to Disneyworld for two days. My roommate/best friend Krissa Jo Tew from college worked there at the time doing audio for the parades, and she got us  in for free both of the days. She came around with us the second day and we had so much fun with her!  She got me and Andrew the Mickey and Minnie bride & groom hats, so we were given a lot of special attention. During the Indiana Jones show, we were picked to be some of the extras, so we got to be part of the show which was really neat!  Somebody tried to steal the Chewbacca backpack that I had bought for Andrew, but I gave them a talking-to and they gave it back. Andrew also got to be in the Lion King show, we got special privileges on the rides, and we were given free desserts.  It was seriously the perfect honeymoon. Even with feeling like I was going to vomit the whole time we were at Disneyworld, it was seriously one of the best trips I have ever been on!

The next week we had a kind of second honeymoon, where Andrew and I drove up to Washington, and my Mom put on two open houses for us - one in Vancouver, WA where I grew up, and the other where they live now in Olympia, WA. They were both really nice, and it was great to see a lot of people that I grew up with but hadn't seen in years.

After we got back from our honeymoon, we moved into our first apartment. It was the craziest month of trying to find furniture and unpack everything.  I finally got all of our apartment necessities unpacked after a month of living there, when Andrew's Mom came over for dinner and asked us to move into her house.  Randy had taken a job in Bolivia, and Kathy decided to go out and join him. After thinking through it for a few days, Andrew and I decided it would be a good move for us (even though I had always sworn that I never would live with parents after I was married :)). Especially because of the nightmare that had been going on at our apartment complex.  We moved to Midvale, which is just south of Salt Lake. We decided on the apartment because it looked updated, it was the best price that I could find in the area, and because it was close to trax/the freeway. Unfortunately, after we moved in and found a cockroach on the door, our neighbors doing drugs, and seeing police cars in the parking lot every night, I decided to look online at reviews for the apartment.  I almost had a heart attack after reading the 100+ horrible reviews about neighbors breaking in and stealing expensive things, cockroach issues, lots of domestic violence, and everyone smoking inside.  I called up the manager the next day saying I wanted to move out, and he was so nice and said that if after a month I still felt that way, we could move out and get our deposit back. So after having our chainsmoking neighbors above us flood our apartment, we decided to take Kathy up on her offer and move into their house in Highland.

So in July, Andrew and I moved in with our inlaws.  Kira had just left for college at BYU, so we had the whole house to ourselves, except for the infrequent visits when Randy and Kathy would come home.  Honestly, they've been home a lot more than I expected, but it hasn't been bad.  The only time that it was a struggle was in November/December/Early January.

During this time I was still working at Durham Brands.  The company had just sold our scrapbooking brand Imaginisce, and I was super stressed because the workload  between the three designers (me, Stace, and my boss Don) had gone down significantly, and they were laying people off.  I was always on edge at work because I didn't have anything to do, and I felt like my job was on the line.  In all honesty, I felt like Stace's job was more on the line than mine was, but I wanted to be the one to leave before she did.  So I went and found a new job at a home decor/scrapbooking company down in Provo through a recruiter. They offered me the job after the first interview, and I negotiated a $5,000 pay raise.  I had also negotiated some time off for an upcoming family vacation, but I found out after solidifying the whole thing that they weren't actually going to give it to me.  I started getting a bad feeling about the company, but I felt like I needed to take it anyways.  So the next day I met with my boss Don, and told him I was leaving the company.  There was a lot of tension between us because of fighting over work to do, and he had snapped at me in a meeting in front of everyone in the company, and things just never got better after that.  Anyways, after I told him about my new job, I met with Ben Durham and Mark Durham, and they told me that they didn't want me to leave and wanted to make me a counter offer. When they told me that it was as if a huge weight lifted off my shoulder, and I knew that staying there was the right decision.  So they offered me a $10,000 pay raise, and made me a product designer instead of a graphic designer.  Ben was going to be my boss instead of Don, and I was going to be salary instead of hourly, and work an extra hour every day.

So while I was going through the whole stress of learning a new job in November, and working more and more and dealing with my Seasonal Affective Disorder, Andrew's entire family came to live at the house for a month.  Kathy brought home Molly's two oldest kids Olivia and Nate to stay with us for two weeks.
Andrew and I drove to Washington to spend Thanksgiving with my parents, and it was a nice little trip.  I needed the break from work and from the craziness at Andrew's house. Everyone (and I mean EVERYONE) had come to stay because Michael came home from his mission in early December. It was a lot of drama living with 14 people and trying to learn a new job.  I was stressed beyond belief, and I'm honestly so glad it is over!  I think it was just everything kind of happening at the same time that overwhelmed me.

After everyone moved out in January, life started to get back to normal.  I was the personal progress leader in the YW, and Andrew was teaching the 8-10 year old boys in Primary. I later got called into Mia Maids and have been really enjoying it.

In April, I flew out with Kent to go and visit Cherie and her new baby Grant. Andrew was in school so he couldn't go. I have been really praying for him a lot because he struggled in school a lot in 2013. He didn't tell me, but while we were engaged he was depressed and stopped trying in his engineering classes.  I think he was so worried about losing me that he took the time he would have dedicated to school and gave the attention and time to me instead. He also said he really struggled with getting out of bed in the morning. The sad thing is that I didn't find this out until about 6 months after we were married. It was hard for me to hear, but I really wanted to show him that I believed in him turning things around so I went to the temple and fasted and prayed for him a lot so that he could get back into school.  He had failed so many classes that he was suspended fall semester. It was strange having him at home for 7 months without a full-time job and not in school, but he worked hard to keep himself busy. He was also working with his friend DJ Burton doing a race company that they had started together.

After a lot of work, he was able to get back into school this last winter semester, but if he failed a class he would have been suspended again.  I was so worried about him the whole semester because he had a hard time with his chemistry and calculus classes. I barely saw him because he would be up until midnight most nights doing homework.  The good thing is that he got a B in chemistry, the sad thing is that he got a D in calculus. But hey, he passed!  He met with a counselor a couple of weeks ago and they said that they think he might have a learning disability with math.  So he's taking tests to find out if he does have it.

The last big thing that happened this last year, is that we went to ITALY for vacation!!  It was a vacation with Andrew's entire family.  It was a little disappointing in Rome because it was busy beyond belief.  They were Sainting two popes the weekend we were there, and it was an Italian holiday, and it was high travel season.  So Rome was insane, people got lost, and it rained on us really hard.  I also didn't have time to see anyone that I knew from my mission there, so I just say that visit to Rome doesn't really count, and Andrew and I need to go back in the next few years to have an awesome experience. ;)

We hopped on our Norwegian cruise in Civitaveccia after our 2 days in Rome, and shipped out to Napoli.  Andrew and I spent the day with Suzannah and Matt exploring Pompeii, Sorrento, and had a yummy pizza in Naples.  The next day we spend in Messina, Sicily, and we hung out with one of the sisters from my mission Sorella Gambardella.  It was fun to speak in Italian, and she was so sweet and fun to be around.  The afternoon we spent in Taormina (a cute little touristy town up in the mountains) with Sarah and Christian. Day 4 of the cruise was one of my favorites.  We spent the day in Kotor, Montenegro, and it was by far one of the most beautiful places that I have ever been!  We hiked up to some castle ruins, and spent the rest of the time wandering around the old city, which was really preserved and just beautiful.  Day 5 we spent in Split, Croatia where they have Diocletian's palace.  We did a guided tour and learned a lot about the place.  It wasn't my favorite site, but it was still pretty interesting. Day 6 we spent in a 3rd ex-Yugoslavia country - Koper, Slovenia. We weren't super interested in seeing the city, so instead we went to a cave that had a huge canyon in it with an underground river. The last stop on our cruise was Venice, Italy. Andrew and I celebrated our first anniversary there, since we were going to be on a plane the entire next day for our actual anniversary. We went on a gondola ride, saw St. Mark's cathedral, bought 2 Venetian masks - Andrew got the joker, and I got a music mask (they are made out of paper mache, and paper is the first anniversary gift after all!), and had a nice dinner at a super expensive restaurant near the Rialto bridge. It was such a nice day together.

All in all, I gained about 4 pounds on the cruise/in Italy.  That's pretty impressive considering I only gained 15 pounds after a year and a half in Italy on my mission. ;)

So those are the highlights from the last year!  It has been quite the crazy ride, but I have really enjoyed being married to Andrew.  He is a good husband and it has been fun watching him in his primary class, interacting with the little kids.  He's really creative with kids and teaching.  He would make a really good teacher (his dream was always to be a spanish teacher). He is very thoughtful, forgiving and kind to me. Even when I am a grouchy brat, he will still hug me and forgive me and be patient with me.  He's forgiving of other people's faults, and it is something that I really appreciate about him.

The Roller Coaster Ride.

"Imagine meeting someone who understands even the dustiest corners of your mixed-up soul."

As I go into the roller coaster ride of funs and frowns and ups and downs that was our dating relationship I just want to start with the one thing through all of this that I learned more than anything. And the one that Andrew taught me.

The first thing is, that fear of potential misery can be one of the biggest debilitations that we can bring into our lives.  When you live with this fear of potential unhappiness, you miss the other potentiality that is right in front of your face - the potential for incredible joy.

The second thing is something that Andrew told me at the end of all this. When I asked him why he stayed with me through the misery that I put him through, his reply to me was, "Because true love isn't giving up and walking away just when things get hard." Wise man.

Just to put everything in context - when I was going into my relationship with Andrew, I was a mess.  I had just broken up with my long-term boyfriend in June.  "Mr. Ex" was emotionally abusive and left me feeling needy, confused, and unstable.  I can't give him all the credit though.  I am a naturally anxious person, and being with someone of his character just was not good for my mental health.  I was left confused about what a relationship was supposed to be like, but I knew more than anything whilst coming out of that relationship - that he wasn't what I needed to find happiness in life.  The tipping point in deciding to break up with him was something that his bishop asked me in an interview with me and my ex.  He told me about married life.  About how difficult and exhausting being a mother can be.  The one question he asked me after all of that was, "Now, do you see yourself happy when he comes home?  Will he be the kind of person after an incredibly difficult and exhausting day that you will be glad to see and will make you laugh?"  I looked at him and thought "No, he will never make me happy." So I broke up with him that week.  After the breakup, I decided to cut all ties.  He had persuaded and guilted me multiple times before not to break up with him, and I didn't want to take any chances.  But he wasn't done with me.  He harassed my family and friends and me for months afterwards.  Sometimes driving all the way from Rexburg and showing up at my house unannounced to beg for me to come back to him.  Other times calling friends and threatening Andrew's life. Oftentimes calling and texting me over and over with declarations of love, as if we had never broken up, no matter how many times anyone told him to move on. It was a scary time and one for me that was full of fear.  I can't say that I handled it well, and it affected my relationship with my family, friends, and even Andrew.

Let's go back to the happy ray of sunshine in my life at the time.  I called him Andrew, and he brought me flowers and kisses.  He made me laugh and helped me to get out of myself when all I wanted to do was be alone and be afraid.

I remember when Andrew asked me to be his girlfriend.  We had seen each other for about a week straight every day since our first date.  He was running late to take me out to lunch (typical of my Andrew, but it's usually because he's either trying to do something nice for someone, or because he's lost his keys).  He showed up at my work and brought me a rose and asked me to be his girlfriend.  I was a little dumbfounded. This guy just shows up late for a lunch date and asked me to be his girlfriend?  Being the horrible person that I am I decided I wanted to make him sweat.  So I said that I would think about it. Maybe later.

Well, later came along after a temple trip one night.  Andrew asked me if I wanted to go to dinner, so we found the one place that was open that late - Denny's.  We had a nice talk, and went back to the church parking lot to talk.  Ok, we were kissing a little bit too.  This is where it gets a little embarrassing. While we were kissing goodnight, a cop car pulls up behind us. Wait, make that two cops cars. It was a cold night so the very back window had fogged up. Andrew rolls down the window and the one cop asks for license and registration.  The other one asks me to get out of the car.  I got a good look at myself in the reflection and realized my hair was super messy.  That with the back window behind fogged up combined with my hair situation made it look real bad.  Which was seriously laughable considering how innocent the whole encounter was.

Mr Cop asks me if I was there of my own free will.  I was a little distraught and embarrassed by how bad the whole situation looked and so I replied, "Of course!  I swear there was nothing going on here. It looks bad, but it isn't. We just got back from the temple for goodness sake!"  They left us with a warning about staying pure and we left with burning cheeks.  Talk about embarrassing.

Well, to sum up a lot of our dating relationship really quick, here's what happened for the next while (this could go on for forever) - We had a lot of fun and dated for a month or so.  Then we broke up Halloween night (because Andrew's friend told him that "going on a break" would help him realize if he was in love with me).  I called him up a few days later and asked why he broke up with me. His reply, "I didn't break up with you! It was just a break!" My reply, "Yeah, dating other people sounds like a breakup to me, so are you breaking up with me then?"  We got back together that night.

We had a lot more fun dating and enjoying each other's company.

A few months later we broke up again.  This time because we were confused about our feelings for each other.  One thing i've learned about Andrew and myself is that we are very similar in that we aren't very good at understanding how we feel sometimes.  So we went on another "break" - which ended up being a breakup.  I remember having the conversation with Andrew in the car during all this about how I felt like I was in a dark pit, and I felt like I was drowning of sorrow constantly.  I was still dealing with the fear of "Mr. Ex" and his stalkerlike actions.  I didn't know how to handle all of it, so my best option seemed to be running away from everything.  I decided at this point that I needed a fresh start, so I sold my contract at the house I was living at and moved into a new apartment.

I stayed away from Andrew for a week, and then I decided I would let myself see him again.  I really missed him.  We went running at the gym together, and he grabbed my arm afterwards as I was getting a drink at the drinking fountain, and told me that he loved me.  I didn't know what to say.  I was still pretty upset about the breakup.

Andrew kept coming around though.  He never gave up on me.  He would wake up at 5 am on the mornings that it snowed and come to my house just to shovel my driveway and clean off my car windows.  If I ever mentioned that I needed anything, he would go to the store and buy it for me and leave it as a present on my doorstep.  One time he asked me what my favorite dessert was.  I told him it was a mimosa cake that they make on women's day in Italy.  So he stayed up until 6am one night just to make it for me.  

About a month and a half, I went on a trip with Andrew and my roommate to his best friend Erik's wedding down in Arizona (we were still broken up at the time). Upon arriving home, Andrew told me that he wasn't sure if we should keep going the way we were if we weren't going to get back together.  It hit me like a slap in the face.  That night as I was reading my scriptures, I decided to pray and ask for clarification on how I was feeling.  I realized that more than anything, I was scared.  I was scared of being happy.  I was scared of going through the depression and hurt again like I had with "Mr. Ex."  And at that moment I read this scripture in Mosiah 23:28, "Therefore they hushed their fears, and began to cry unto the Lord." I couldn't stop reading this verse.  I kept reading it over and over again and the spirit told me in my heart, "Don't be afraid anymore. Give him another chance."  My answer was clear and I had no doubt.  God wanted me to get back together with Andrew.

We got back together and continued to have fun as we always did.  I remember the night that I told Andrew that I loved him.  He had planned one of the funnest dates I have ever had.  We went out to dinner, and then to wal-mart, where we bought empty easter eggs.  The game was that we had a half an hour to buy little things that would fit inside of the easter eggs that the other would like.  We then went back to my apartment and hid them for each other while the other person was in the other room.  I love activities that bring back the glitter and joy of childhood, and Andrew has a knack for coming up with them.  I don't know what it was that made me say "I love you."  Maybe it was the joy of that night, or the pure happiness I had of being with him.  But I look back and realize that at that point I didn't really understand what love truly was.  I was about to find out through test and trial what I have come to understand love to really be.

Where it all began.

Shakespeare believed in love at first sight. "When I saw you, I fell in love, and you smiled because you knew."

Yeah, that's not me. My personal belief about love at first sight would be more along the lines of, "sometimes when you meet someone, there's a click. I don't believe in love at first sight but I do believe in that click." - Ann Aguirre, Blue Diablo

Call me a realist, pessimist, or whatever you want, but I believe that love is deeper than just what you see.

The first time I ever saw Andrew was at a picnic at Sugarhouse Park in Salt Lake City, Utah during the summer of August 2011.  My friend Jessica Hobbs, the lovely social thing that she is, would invite a group of friends every Thursday night that summer to have dinner together (i'm guessing that this one was on a Tuesday though, because I think the date was August 16).  I remember showing up and sitting with the group of relative strangers in front of the duck pond.  I was nervous, and yet excited.  Groups of people make me happy and I get a high out of meeting new people.

A girl from my ward - Janely - showed up with a cute blonde guy in tow.  We knew each other so she sat next to me, and so did the guy she had brought with her.  I remember that he was wearing flip flops (isn't it funny the random things that we remember about those moments?) He asked me to pass him something and we started talking.  We did the small talk thing, introduced ourselves, and talked about what we did for our jobs.  He told me that he was a student at BYU studying engineering. We talked a little about his summer internship that he was doing in Salt Lake, and about how excited I was to go to the premiere of the final Harry Potter movie with my friend Tim that night.  It was an easy conversation, and for the first time since breaking up with my boyfriend a few months ago, I found that this was a guy that I was excited at the prospect of talking to again.

I remember running into Andrew a second time a couple weeks later at Ward Prayer for our singles ward.  He was hanging out with his best friend Erik Grimm, and I brought my roommate Kristina over to meet them both.  I talked and laughed with both of them, and afterwards I remember telling my roommate how great of a guy Andrew was, and that she should consider dating him.  I just felt from the beginning like he was a good person, and someone worth spending time with.

The next time I saw Andrew was Sunday at church.  He was wearing the same 3 piece gray suit that he wore during our engagements.  I remember walking into church and he looked around, saw me, and gave me a huge grin. It was one of those looks that guys give you when they like what they see. (And he liked me!)  During break the fast after church he came and found me in the line and talked to me for a little bit. Another little memory I have of the moment is that I was wearing 6 in mustard yellow heels which made me taller than him.  I felt a little embarrassed and wished I had worn shorter shoes.

The next day at FHE, he was searching me out.  This boy was obviously on a mission for something! The activity was playing board games, and Andrew came and sat across from me at my table.  He obviously thought I was really funny because he laughed constantly at everything I said. I was pretty flattered to be honest!

My favorite part of our "how we met" story happens right then.  Being the sneaky person that I am, I took off at the end of FHE without so much as a goodbye to anyone and went out the back door.  As I was walking across the parking lot to my car I turned around because I heard someone call out my name.  I turn around and see Andrew running after me.  I waited until he caught up, and the first thing that he blurts out of his mouth is, "have you seen Avery?"  I reply, "No, do you need me to introduce you to her?" He said, "uh, yeah." So I walk back inside with him and after a couple minutes of searching I point her out and say, "there she is. Would you like me to introduce you?"  His reply, "No, I know who Avery is.  So....do you want to do something sometime?"  It took me a full minute to realize he was asking me on a date.  I said yes, and we exchanged phone numbers.

After Andrew got my phone number and started texting me about plans for our first date I instantly realized something about him.  This was a guy who laughed through life.  As someone who was going through an incredibly hard breakup, it was a breath of fresh air because I felt like he was everything that I wasn't at the time.  None of our talk was serious. He was the complete opposite of my Ex - funny, non-controlling, happy-go-lucky, and could make me laugh.  Everything I realized was missing from my last relationship and that I needed.

Andrew was out of town that week on a rafting trip up in Jackson Hole, so we set up a date for Saturday, September 10.  He came and picked me up in his silver car and he gave me the option of either going to the Utah State Fair or the Greek Festival for our date.  I thought it was a little weird because I had never been given options about a date activity before. I usually just showed up and the guy picked what we were doing.  This was a little introduction to Andrew's personality for me. He's a people pleaser, and likes to give people options that will make them happy and put his own choice last in a lot of things.

I picked the Greek Festival.  So we headed downtown to the Greek Orthodox church. When we arrived we decided that we would get food before doing anything else. So we got in the hour long line, picked out different foods to share and sat down to eat our fare. For dessert we grabbed some of the fried balls of dough drenched in honey (Loukomades). The second I realized that I liked this guy was when I went to put one of the honey balls in my mouth and he grabbed off my fork, ate it with one bite, and looked at me and laughed. No shame. I liked this guy.

After we had enough of the food and crowds, we went back to my house. My roommates we watching Hot Rod and we decided to join them.  After the movie was over we went out and talked by ourselves for a couple hours.  We talked until 5 a.m.  Aaand, well, a girl isn't supposed to kiss and tell, but we had our first kiss that night (yep, I kissed him!  He probably didn't even know where it came from).  I was never good at holding back if I liked a guy, and I really liked this one.

An introduction to Us.

If I could go back and do it all again, I would.

The story of Jenessa and Andrew is one that makes me smile and makes my heart ache at the same time.  It was a road full of ups and downs -- sometimes it felt like a fun roller coaster ride, and sometimes it felt like one of those drives where there's a cliff on one edge that makes you feel like you are out of control and might fall off the edge.  But I would never give up the hard times, because those are the moments that defined our relationship today.  One that is happy, full of joy, full of confidence, and thriving. And I completely believe that it would never have become what it is without the trials that we faced together.

I hope that someday, someone who comes across this blog who is searching for their happily ever after will come to realize that love and relationship security can happen in a second.  It can happen in a year. And it may not ever happen at all.  My point is that every relationship is different.  Your story is your own and never let anyone put any expectations in your head about what it has to be.  Because happy endings come in so many different varieties, and we each have an individual reality and circumstance. You decide your happy ending.  Not your parents. Not God (though he will completely support you no matter what). Not your family, coworkers, or friends.  You are the one who chooses happiness every single day.

So here it begins. The story of us and our lovely little family.